The Great Rooster Battle of '73

By Shmuel Ross

Down in the swamps of K'naidle-Dee-Dee
Lives an old man with a misshapen knee.
If you go to him, he'll tell you with glee
Of the great Rooster Battle of '73.

It seems (he'll begin,) that there were two men
Named William McDowell and Roger McFen.
And one had a rooster, and one had a hen,
And they all lived together, right there in the glen.

Every last morning, by the sun's early glow,
William's prize rooster would let out a crow.
It seemed like he wanted the whole world to know
That the day had begun; off to work they should go.

Well, one day McFen said, "Now, let's get this straight;
McDowell, you know that I like sleeping late!
So make sure your rooster, as of this date,
Doesn't start crowing until after eight!!"

William retorted to Roger McFen,
"So what do you want me to do with him then?
I can't tell him not to crow early again!
If you don't like crowing, move out of the glen!"

If the crowing continued, McFen then did state,
The fowl of McDowell would be served on a plate.
In which case, said William, he'd retaliate,
And the hen of McFen would meet the same fate!

The two battled long, and the two battled hard,
And their voices were heard over in the next yard.
And so, over there, young Johnny McCard
Heard all the yelling, and then he thought hard.

He thought, and he thought, and he got an idea;
He walked over to the still-battling pair.
"Mr. McFen, the solution's quite clear;
Why don't you try earplugs? I have some right here."

"Earplugs?" said Roger, and "Earplugs?" said Will,
"Sure," said McCard, standing perfectly still,
"I think you'll agree that they should fit the bill."
"Yes," said McFen, "Yes, I think that they will."

And so, (he'll conclude,) my story is ended.
The earplug plan worked just as intended.
In fact, McFen claimed they were "perfectly splendid!"
So now we just have the moral appended.

Before you get into a violent bout,
Before you get angry, and you start to shout,
First see if there is a simpler way out,
For that's a lot better, without a doubt.

Copyright 1991 by Shmuel Ross. All Rights Reserved.