B E T W E E N   T H E   L I N E S [tm]

                    Volume 9, Issue 4.5 - April 1, 1997

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                  This is simply not what you were expecting. 


                                -= CONTENTS =-

       INTRO BY JIMMI SWARTZ                   - Jimmi Swartz
       TONY'S ALBUM: AN OVERVIEW               - Hugh R. Kidding
       THE FINAL AND COMPLETE FAN TEST         - Free Association
       GIBSON BECOMES LIFETIME GREASER         - Barbara Lou Whoryou
       THE TRUTH ABOUT CHRIS' INFLUENCE        - Linus Van Pelt
       BEAUTY AND THE BEAST                    - Friedrich Flintstone
       CLOSING REMARKS                         - Free Association
       PRODUCTION CREDITS                      - Free Association


                               -= DISCLAIMER =- 

 Between the Lines (ISSN 0831-1970, electronic publication ISSN 1216-1986)
 operates on a non-profit basis, although we wouldn't particularly mind a
 change in status.  Donations may be mailed to the address found below.
 Distribution is permissible only under the condition that no part of it
 will be used for profit, which would be pretty tough anyway.  Trust us.
 "Between the Lines"  and "BtL" are trademarks of Between the Lines.  Isn't
 it a shame how easily they're letting them be tarnished by releasing this?
 Copyright 1997, Between the Lines.  This forum does not necessarily reflect
 the views of Debbie Gibson, Deborah Gibson, GMI Entertainment, Inc.
 including but not limited to Espiritu Records, EMI/SBK, Atlantic, the
 Record-Label-of-the-Month-Club, and D.G.I.F., or any organizations to which
 members belong or represent.  Opinions expressed in this issue of Between
 the Lines are those of two rather warped individuals, and almost certainly
 do not reflect the views of the entire forum, although we would LIKE them
 to.  All lyrics by Deborah Gibson are copyrighted by ImPossibilities
 Publishing, Inc./EMI April Music, Inc.  (ASCAP). 


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             -= BtL moderators, who disavow any blame for this =-

     Myra Wong : mkwong@btl.org

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              -= The Nuts Writing This Show: FREE ASSOCIATION =-

   Heath Clark (Fons Taddic): ftzog@Bayou.UH.EDU

        Shmuel Ross (Durlan): signs@silly.com


                              -= INTRODUCTION =-

You are entering a new place.

This is a place of sound, sights, and smells similar to our own world.  True
and False rule the universe, but the Rebel Alliance, led by Howard Stern, face
off against their evil plans in an attempt to restore disco to the

Let the fun begin. 


                   -= INTRODUCTION BY D. J. JIMMI SWARTZ =-

                      Jimmi Swartz - Secaucus, New Jersey
                                April 1, 1997

     Hello all you BLT sandwiches!  I'm Jimmi, single male 21-year old
heavy metal enthusiast with an apartment full of pizza and Senior Manager of
the single largest Caffeine supplier to all manner of over-the-edge companies,
and my point is, DEBBIE ROCKS!!!!!!!!  I've been looking for that strange girl
who was partying down with the Circle Jerks a year or two ago, and I was
flipping through the pages of an old Rolling Stone when BAM!!  IT HIT
ME!!!!!!  So I put down the Jennifer Aniston issue (Whew!) and picked up the
huge double-issue detailing the ENTIRE year of 1995! SHE WAS ON PAGE


     I totally freaked when I learned about this list, because I've been
reading Hit Parader forever and still haven't found anything about this new,
obviously talented woman!  AND IS SHE A BABE!!!!  I'd have given anything to
be closer to the stage!!!!

     So far, some whacko who hangs around the list told me that she'd been
doing theater and played Sandy and Rizzo in Grease!  Can anyone else confirm
this?  Rizzo I can understand but SANDY?!  COME ON!  It's almost too absurd to
think about!  If she did, she's one incredable actress.  Well, I'm outta here
for now.




                       -= TONY'S ALBUM: AN OVERVIEW =-

                   Hugh R. Kidding - Chattanooga, Tennessee
                                April 1, 1997


     "All right, man!"  "Here we go!"  "Party time!"  "Just turn the lights
out; let's get with it!"  "Whoo!"  "Take me!"  "Let's check it out!" "Test."
"Hey, I'm havin' fun!"  "Now, you know, that's what I mean."

     These are just some of the most beloved quotations from the albums of
Deborah Gibson.  Starting with her third album, _Anything Is Possible_,
Deborah began including bits of chatter before and after some of her songs.
They quickly became one of the most popular features on her albums.  In
recognition of this, album #5 included an entire track devoted to chatter:
"Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal."  While this quickly became a fan favorite, it
was originally deemed to be too uncommercial to work on the radio, and was
therefore not chosen as a single.


     It was 9:45 p.m. in Boise, Idaho, when deejay Harold Chapin accidentally
played the wrong track off "Think With Your Heart."  Instead of "For Better or
Worse," the strains of "Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal" went over the airwaves.
Immediately afterwards, the switchboards at WOLD were swamped with calls from
people who wanted to know who the artist was.  "We haven't had this sort of
audience reaction since we first played 'Grease Megamix,' said station manager
Arnie Cunningham.  "After three days of airplay, it was our top request, and
it stayed in that position for over two weeks!"

     Other stations in the area followed suit.  Still, the song's popularity
remained a local phenomenon, until the remix came and changed everything.
You've all heard it by now, of course.  Some enterprising young men from Idaho
heard "Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal" and loved it, but felt that it could be
made better.  Remembering that Deborah got her start with dance music, they
remixed the song, adding a strong dance beat.  Calling themselves "RNA
featuring Deborah Gibson," the bootleg recording became an underground
favorite.  SBK found out about it, released it as an official single, and,
suddenly, every station in the nation had it in heavy rotation.


     "It was just incredible," said an SBK official.  "Frankly, when Deborah
wanted to include this track on the album, we were all kind of incredulous...
but we knew she'd been through a lot with Atlantic, and didn't want to
pressure her too much.  But this... this is something we never expected."

     "This," of course, referred to the wave of "Tony-mania" which swept the
nation.  Even David Letterman got into the act, asking Paul Schaffer for an
"E-flat-major-seventh" chord on the Late Show, to thunderous applause.
"Should we play 32?" had become a national catch-phrase, second only to "Got
Milk?" in surveys of pop culture.  Hundreds of children signed up for viola
lessons.  Deborah and Tony Visconti toured the nation with the entire London
Session Orchestra.  BtL circulation shot up to almost 13,000 readers.  In
short, it was an exciting time to be a Deb-fan.


     By special arrangement with SBK and Atlantic, Espiritu Records is now
releasing "Tony's Album," which is comprised almost completely of "Interlude/
Tony's Rehearsal" remixes.  Also included is "Chat Megamix!" containing the
best bits of pre- and post-song chatter from AIP, BMS, and TWYH, including the
quotes which began this article.

     In addition to the two original versions of "Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal,"
some of the hottest names in contemporary music have stepped in to add their
own touches.  Among the offerings are a reggae version, a rap version, and an
inspired accordion interpretation by "Weird Al."

     As a result, the album is an inspired collaboration between some of
today's most talented artists.  Separately, there's something for everybody.
Together, it's an existential listening experience that fans of "Tony's
Rehearsal" are sure to love.


   TONY'S ALBUM -- Tony Visconti, Deborah Gibson, Various Artists (Espiritu)
   1. Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal (Album Version)
   2. Bust a Rehearsal! (Young M.C. 12" Version)
   3. Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal (Gospel Version, with Extra Butterflies)
   4. Tony Walks with the Doves of Happiness (New Age mix)
   5. Reggae Rehearsal, Mon (Dreadlock Dance)
   6. Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal (Babyface Mix)
   7. Interlude Polka!
   8. Interlude/Tony's Reversal (Backwards Dub)
   9. Quaaludes/Tony's Rehearsal (High Culture Mix)
   10. Chat Megamix!
   11. Interlude/Tony's Rehearsal (RNA Mix)

   12. Call Yourself a Lover (Heidi Fleiss Mix)

  *    *    *

   "Okay, man... that's a wrap!"
   "Great article!  Ultra-spiff!"
   "Gee, thanks!"
   "We outta here..."
   "Hey, who left the text editor open?"


                    -= FREE ASSOCIATION PRESENTS: =-

    The Final and Complete Free-Association Deborah Gibson Fan Test
                         To End All Fan Tests.

     Hello, and welcome to the 1st official Free Association Deborah Gibson
fan test!  For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of fan tests, they
are basically a series of questions designed to measure one's state of being a
fan for a particular person, or, technically, inanimate object. [shrug]  We
here at Free Association feel that these matters should be taken very
seriously, and many people take great pride in who they admire.  As such, we
have been through a series of sample tests and populations and networked
endless strings of data into three supercomputers around the world.  We have
had the result of our efforts for about a year now, but it has been kept
confidential due to an internal security measure set forth by evil people who
have been summerily sacked, along with thier jumping llamas and m00sies.

Without further ado, then, we are proud to present the fan test:

Answer the following as closely as possible.  Give yourself 1 point for every
YES answer.  You get no points for every NO answer.

 1. Do you like Deborah Gibson?


 1 pt: Yes, you are a fan.
 0 pts: You should not have received this test in the first place.  Please
        inform the list moderator that you are on the wrong mailing list
        and revoke your D.G.I.F. membership IMMEDIATELY. 

Thank you very much for your time.


                    -= GIBSON BECOMES LIFETIME GREASER =-

                    Barbara Lou Whoryou - Rydell, New York
                               March 32, 1997

I found this article on the Playgates Online website yesterday:

     Deborah Gibson is no stranger to the Grease stage, as she signs a
lifetime contract that requires her to be in a Grease production every
two years.  Theatre-insiders speculate that Gibson's signing secures the
financial success of each production she stars in.  An anonymous source cites
the large number of Debbie Gibson fans who will travel anywhere to see their

     Gibson first appeared in Grease playing Sandy (as Debbie Gibson) on
London's West End from July 15, 1993 at 8 P.M. to April 9, 1994 at 10:48 P.M.
The next year she was recruited as Rizzo (as Debbie Gibson) in the
U.S.-we-must-have-celebrities national touring production of Grease where
she joined perpetual-Rydeller Adrian Zmed, Sally Struthers and newcomer Sutton
Foster who is slated to portray Gibson in the upcoming biographical movie,
"Squeaky Clean Parts."

     Gibson will step into the role of Patty Simcox in the west coast premiere
production of Tommy Tune's Grease at the La Jolla Playhouse starting
September 1st.  Deborah explains that she, at age 27, will be ready to show
her prissy, school-spirit side.

     When asked about her heavy commitment to the show, Gibson replied, "I've
always wanted to be in Grease, ever since I was a little girl singing along to
Summer Nights with my sisters in our living room.  This is a dream come
true!"  Gibson looking slightly traumatized clearly pointed out that, "My high
school never put on the show.  You know, they *knew* I wanted to be Sandy my
whole life.  They wouldn't even do it during my senior year after "Only In My
Dreams" went Top 5."

     1999 has Debbie, I mean, Deborah Gibson filming the Australian
revival-revisal of Grease with London-costar Craig McLachlan, where both
will reprise their roles of Sandy and Danny.  This movie hopes to bring the
American 50's into the 21st century for Australia, with a twist; if you
remember, the 1976 movie brought over Australian singer Olivia Newton John to
America.  Star-turned-producer McLachlan confessed his lifelong devotion for
Deborah, "I knew this was the only way I could get her back onto Aussie soil.
Her 1989 Electric Youth World tour concerts just couldn't last me a lifetime!"

     International productions of Grease are sprouting up all over the globe,
in Tokyo, Japan; Rio de Janero, Brazil; and Toronto, Canada; with even more
productions planned for The Netherlands, Singapore, and even Czechoslovakia.
Gibson's response to this worldwide exposure was, "I hope they don't expect me
to play Sandy in every production!  I want to play Frenchy, to show off my new
smoking skills and the side of me that always wanted to go to beauty school!
And Marty, to show my I'm-in-a-long-distance-relationship side, 'cause, you
know, I've had a lot of experience with that.  And I just *have* to try out
the roles of Danny and Kenickie to show my manly side.  After that, I can
easily slip into the role of Vince Fontaine -- I'm a great DJ!"

     Can Debbie Gibson play a teenager forever?  "In a few years, I'll have to
play Miss Lynch.  I can't wait to get up on that stage every night and let out
my grouchy nastiness that has built up inside me after so many years in the

     Watch for Grease with Debbie Gibson coming to a country near you!

     A last word from Gibson: "Excuse me, but that's _Deborah_ Gibson.  I'm
*really* tired of people calling me Debbie."  Playgates found out why this is
a sore spot with Gibson, "At my first fan club convention, everyone was
laughing at a recent realization... E I E I O."  Those are the vowels in
Debbie Gibson.  Hmmm.  Gibson hides her face and whispers, "It's Deborah now."


                    -= THE TRUTH ABOUT CHRIS' INFLUENCE =-

                      Linus Van Pelt - Peanutsville, USA
                                April 1, 1997

   Just the other day, there was a bit of discussion on the AIP mailing list
about whether or not the songs on "Deborah" were about Chris Bruno.  You
might've missed it; it was buried inside one of the latest flamewars.  :-)

   I just thought I ought to clarify this point for everyone who's currently
confused about it.  Yes, all the songs on "Deborah" are about Chris.
Furthermore, all the songs on Deb's first five albums are also about Chris.
So are a few of Madonna's, not to mention one of Tiffany's, but that's another
story, which I'm not going to get into here.

   Let's pick a few examples at random.  "Electric Youth" refers to a young
man who can regularly be seen on electric appliances, i.e. TVs, i.e. on "All
My Children," i.e. Chris.  Similarly, "Eyes of the Child" is also an AMC
reference.  "No More Rhyme" is about their breakup, as are "Goodbye," "How Can
This Be?" and "This So-Called Miracle."  "Anything is Possible" signified an
upswing in their relationship, followed by "Mood Swings," and finally capped
with the triumphant "Staying Together" as they reunited at last.  There is a
clear hint to this on "Deborah," as one of the first spoken lines of "Staying
Together" was covertly incorporated into "Just Wasn't Love."  This
'coincidence' not only proves the connection, but shows that the songs weren't
recorded in the chronological order of their relationship.  This much is

   Rumor has it that if you listen to "Only In My Dreams" backward, you'll
hear "Where's Chris?" in the background, but that could not be confirmed at
the time of this writing.  Regardless, it is clear to anyone with half a brain
that Chris has been a strong influence since Day One.  (Those with entire
brains may need a tad more convincing, but that's just because they're more
susceptable to brain freeze.)

   One might ask how Deb could possibly have known the details of her
relationship with Chris years before they occurred.  It's simple if one thinks
about it: Deborah is always talking about how people should be in touch with
themselves.  Since a person's 'self' is actually made up of what they have
been, what they are, and what they will be, Deborah's understanding of her own
persona allowed her to develop a sensitivity to past and future relationships
that has influenced her since Day 1.  Simply, she's chronosentient, empathic,
and some evidence even suggests that she can change her hair color with a
minimum amount of concentration.

   If I may pause on that note for a moment, it is my belief that a
numerological analysis of Deb's sequence of hair styles and colors would have
a distinct possiblity of uncovering the last digit of Pi.  Anyway...

    Back on subject, It's a good bet that anything in the future that Deb
writes is going to be about Chris, too.  Why is this in ANY WAY SIGNIFICANT,
some skeptics might ask?  Scientists and researchers work tirelessly to find
some kind of constant in the universe, when such things can easily be found
with a little logic (and some creative investigation methods, like only we at
FREE ASSOCATION productions can possibly even conceive of.)  Since one
constant has been established, modern science may now work from that
center..... slowly, but assuredly, bringing perfect understanding of
everything into our lives.

   And then Disco will come back.  MARK MY WORDS!!!!


                         -= BEAUTY AND THE BEAST! =-

                   Friedrich Flintstone - Bedrock, History
                                April 1, 1997

Our story begins with the introduction to a morning talk show hosted by Suzy
Salone and Dave Truman.  After a typical mix of computer-generated animation
and screen captures of embarrassing (yet ratings-friendly) moments from
previous episodes, the director drowsily turns off the stored introduction and
tells camera #2 to move in on the two hosts.  Over the crew headphones, the
person on camera #3 keeps making unintelligible jokes about Yoda for some

Suzy: "Hello, I'm Suzy Salone!"

Dave: "And I'm Dave Truman!"

Suzy: "And welcome to our show!  Today, we've got a singer in our studio
   who has returned to her roots... and we're not just talking about going
   back to being a blonde.  The singer is Debbie Gibson, and we'll have more
   after these messages. "

[Commercial break.  Featured are an ad for paper towels, a guy who
   isn't a doctor, although he plays one in commercials, and "Songs of the
   Couch"  featuring 48 songs on compact disk or cassette for just $19.98.
   The latter features "Lost in Your Eyes," an honor which starts a flamewar
   on the Internet about what subtle, insidious meaning there is behind the
   title of the album....]

[The talk area reappears on the screen, with Deb sitting in a chair to the
   left looking innocent, Dave sitting on the other side, and a slightly
   ruffled Suzy sitting at a 45 degree angle to Dave..]

Suzy: "We're back with.... DEBORAH... Gibson. "

Deb: [Smiles, interrupting] "Thank you...."

Dave: "Well, Deborah-"

Suzy: [Quickly interrupting] "Many of you probably remember Deborah from
   her hit songs in the mid-80s, like 'Shake Your Love' and 'Electric Youth.'
   It's taken until now, however, for her to go the way of the dinosaurs; 
   the way of Barney, to be specific. No, she isn't going to be dancing in a
   bulky purple outfit and giggling uncontrollably to promote her album -- 
   at least, not THIS one -- but in fact, the album is a duet between the pop
   veteran and the beloved carnivore-gone-family therapist.

   "It's been a rocky road along the way, though.  Her fourth album, 'Body
    Mind Soul', caused controversy with her 'Losin' Myself' video, which
    shocked many people with her portrayal of a stripper."

[Cut to footage of "Losin' Myself".  Ratings of the show immediately rise to
   an all-time high, and V-chip TV sets throughout the nation promptly
   explode.  A flamewar starts on the Internet.]

Dave: "That's right, and-"

Suzy: [Overrides] "Afterwards, she began to pursue a theatrical career,
   starring in the London revival of Grease as Sandy." 

[Cut to footage of Deb on-stage, singing "You're the One that I Want."]

   "She then returned to America, where she released her fourth album, 'Think
   With Your Heart,' which largely concentrates on pop ballads, but not
   without first taking a break and singing backup on 'I Wanna Destroy You,'
   by the Circle Jerks."

[Cut to footage of stage dive in slow motion, then back to the interview
   area.  A flamewar starts on the Internet.  Again.]

   "After a brief stint playing Rizzo in a U.S. production of Grease, and just
   before her "Funny Girl" tour -- in which she played Barbara Streisand's old
   role, Fanny Brice -- Gibson has now teamed up with Barney for an album of
   holiday songs. [pause] Deborah... what brought the idea for this project

Deb: "I've always felt that children growing up today need to hear
   positive messages, and Barney's been one of the most positive forces out
   there these days.  Take his song, 'I Love You.'  This is a wonderful
   message of security for today's kids. "

Dave: "That's --"

Suzy: "-- Wonderful!  But how'd you two get together in the first place?"

Deb: "We both worked for the same label, and one day we happened to
   meet by the water cooler between takes on our respective albums.  We both
   liked each others' work, EMI was looking to release a duet album, and...
   uhm, we thought it would be a cool collaboration. "

Suzy: "Great! Well, I'm told that we have to go to a commercial break now,
   but we'll be back with Deborah Gibson."

[Viewers all across the country begin to hear strange voices in their
   heads... voices that they can't seem to make out....  until it's too late.]

                        WE'RE JUST *THAT* COOL."

[Barney comes onto a blank white screen, and dances around.]

"Hi kids! Hyuk!  I'm here to tell YOOU about a BIIIIG new offer that you
   should run and ask your parents for.  Let's play pretend, ok?  Everybody
   put on your pretend caps, and listen to THESE COMMERCIAL MESSAGES!!!  Have
   a yum-yum-doodle-dum day everybody!  huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhehehe!"

[Barney disappears in a swirl of red special effects. The screen fades to
   black, and an animated version of Deborah enters from the right side of the
   screen in her black 50's sequin jacket and shades, causing the character to
   blend into the background and seem like a disembodied dancing hair, hands,
   and shoes....]

[Star Wars Theme music starts playing, and the screen begins scrolling
   album information in the traditional Lucas-style] 

                     DEBORAH GIBSON AND BARNEY:

   Track Listing:

   1. I'm the only dinosaur left (And all I got was this lousy T-shirt)
   2. Can't do it Alone (The Cooperation Song)
   3. Yes, I Know You'll Love Me Tomorrow!
   4. Jurassic Colors: Shades of the Past
   5. Too Grown-Up
   6. Staying Together (When We Cross the Street)
   7. Red Hot, Blue Cold, Purple Dinosaur

   Japan-Only Bonus Track:

   8. I Know You, You Know Me

[As the tempo of the song climaxes, an image of Barney holding a lightsaber
   swings by on the screen, accompanied by a dramatic SWOOSH....  leaving
   behind a planet which explodes two seconds later.  Surprisingly, this does
   not start a flamewar on the Internet....]

[The animated Deb comes back on screen, this time wearing a white shirt and
   blue jeans.  She reaches over to the side of the screen and pulls out the
   animated version of Liberace's Piano.  She picks up a microphone from out
   of view, hops onto the piano, ... and starts singing!]

[From the other side of the screen, Barney peeks in... ]

   *** TOO GROWN-UP ***

   He wears his three-piece suits
   And shoes that always shine
   Catches the 8:13
   To get to work on time
   I like the jokes he tells,
   His backyard apple tree
   He's just too grown up for me.

   He raves of income tax
   And blasts the IRS                      Barney: OO! Audit!
   A paycheck bounces and
   He calls 'em useless pests!
   He has no interest in
   Paleontology                            Barney: Like Ross?
   He's just too grown-up for me.

   I like a guy who can lip-synch with ease
   And sing about colors
   And seasons and trees
   I like a guy who can clarify
   The A-B-C's.                            Barney: That's me!

   Don't want no healthy things
   'Cause Gummi Worms are keen
   His car phone just can't beat
   My Trix decoder ring!                   Barney: huhuhhahe!
   Spinach and other greens
   He has them frequently
   But they're too grown-up for me
   Give me some PBS
   Don't give me CNN
   Dinosaurs are the best
   'Cause Barney is a ten!                 Barney: Aww, shucks.

   Don't want calligraphy
   Crayons are fine with me
   He's just too grown-up for me
   He's just too grown-up for me

Barney: She's just too perfect for me....  hhuhuhuhuhuh! 
   Bug your parents to buy 5 copies of the album, kids!
   Buy one for Santa, too!

[Deborah puts her arms on her hips and gives Barney a cutesy-disapproving
   look, smiles, and walks over to Barney, catching the big lug in a bear hug.
   End Commercial/Music Video, fading out with the two enveloped by a
   heart-shaped outline....]

Suzy: "Will the album sell in this cynical age?  Only time will tell.  The
   album's title is 'Deborah Gibson and Barney: Live Since the Beginning of
   Time,' and it's now available in music stores everywhere in the New Age
   section.  Anyway, we're back with Deborah Gib...  Deborah?"

[Off in a distant magical land, the director prematurely switches to camera #2
   carrying Deborah... revealing an empty chair.  Much chaos arises, ending
   with Suzy filling out the segment revealing information that will one day
   haunt her infant son Cory's social life...]

[Off in another distant magical land, Deborah wakes up on a seemingly endless
   yellow brick road, surrounded by some very strange-looking characters.]

Tin Man: "Oh no, not again."

[A lion gives Deborah a pair of ruby slippers, and they all do a spontaneous
   dance number marked by Deb disappearing in the middle... and reappearing
   back in Merrick.  Unexpectedly, however, the entire mob of strange
   creatures surrounding Deborah are also transported back to Merrick, which
   they all have a good laugh about before they all link arms and skip over to
   La Mela, where they end up having a great time.]


                            -= CLOSING REMARKS =-

 Deborah's new album, "Deborah," is now available at Tower Records stores
 across the nation.  A new version of the album, with the "Funny Girl" tracks
 replaced by dance remixes of "Only Words" and "Only in My Dreams," will soon
 be available in stores everywhere.  If this does well, Espiritu plans to
 release new versions of the album every few months, changing a track or two
 each time until the fan base finally runs out of money.

 Deborah performed live in concert at Club Amnesia the other day, but
 unfortunately... (all together now, it's an obvious punchline...) NOBODY CAN
 REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED!  (Great job!  Ever consider going into comedy?)
 [This isn't typical form, but Fons would simply like to break in here and
 just say: Errrrghuuughhh. That was BAD.]  [Really?  It was endlessly funny
 over on AIP, all three times!  There's no accounting for taste, I guess...
 -- Shmuel]

 This Thursday, April 3rd, will be the fourth anniversary of the longest
 period the Anything is Possible mailing list has ever gone without a
 flamewar... three days, five hours, and forty-two minutes.  Of course, the
 server was down for all but the first quarter hour of that, but we've never
 let that get in the way of the record.  Let's all work together, and see if
 we can't extend it by a few more hours this year!


                         -= PRODUCTION CREDITS =-

   This has been A Free Association Production.
   Make of it what you will.

     Free Association is a comedy collective consisting of two lost souls...
One of them has been known to listen to "Butterflies Are Free" for over an
hour on "repeat," and the other has admitted to meditating to AIP.  Between
them, they can name all five Spice Girls..  Applause, acclaim, and positive
vibes may be sent to us at our e-mail addresses above.  Negative energy,
lawsuits, and bad karma may be sent to /dev/null.  However, before doing so,
please check out our legal notice:

     This entire issue is a work of satire.  If you STILL haven't caught on,
take a close look at the date at the top of this issue.  Non-US readers may
wish to grit their teeth, count to ten, take a deep breath, and remember that
April Fool's Day is one of those quaint cultural traditions those daft
Americans have, and is undoubtably one of the reasons that they're completely
incapable of making a decent cup of tea.  Speaking of which, a nice cup would
hit the spot about now, don't you think?  You'll feel much better afterwards.

     Any resemblance between persons in the issue and real-life persons,
without satiric intent, is completely coincidental.  And if MAD Magazine can
say that with a straight face and not get sued, then so can we.  Nyah, nyah,

     We apologize for the blantant generalization of heavy metal enthusiasts.
The writers wish to point out that not all heavy metal enthusiasts are
managers of caffeine-producing companies, and many are actually not on the
Internet. We thank you for the time you have allowed us to correct this error.
Ahem, rock on.

     We also apologize to Barney the Purple Dinosaur, his manager, his
production company, all of the fine folks responsible for putting his image on
every piece of merchandise imaginable, and the guy in the dinosaur suit.  Our
article does not mean to imply that Barney spends too much time around the
water cooler.  In point of fact, we have no inside information on his activity
in this area.

     We would also like to stress that this issue is not affiliated with,
nor is any offense meant to: the Official Debbie Gibson Fan Test; purple
dinosaurs of any size, shape, or even color; Suzanne Vega; the Circle Jerks;
F*R*I*E*N*D*S; Wendy the Snapple Lady; Weird Al; DNA; Young M.C.; Baby Bop;
AIP; EN; AFL-CIO; MGM; The Wizard of Oz; Harry Chapin; Stephen King; Elvis.

     Sincere apologies to Deborah if she doesn't find this funny... It is
intended in the best of spirits. Isn't it the thought that counts, anyway?
{innocent look} We would also like Deborah to know that we are available for
any album promotion, music video production, coffee-making, modeling, (or
anything else really) that she, in her infinite benevolence, would care to let
us in on. [smile])

     Shmuel Ross would like to thank the members of the Academy; Heath Clark,
the single best reason for having joined AIP; the entire list, for the
occasional lull in the flamewars; Myra Wong, for putting up with all this;
Britta, for being the only encouraging voice back at the start of all this;
Nicky, for much encouragement since (apologize to the neighbors for me, okay?
<g>); Doughty Deli, for 3 A.M. junk-food supplies; and, most of all, Deborah

    Heath Clark would like to thank Shmuel for his brilliant writing on this
April 1st issue, and for all the fun we've had and will have in the future-
Myra Wong for giving us this opportunity and for her patience- Angelle Zwirek,
for letting me bounce some of this off her and for having a great sense of
humor- and obviously, Deborah Gibson, for the past, and for the future.

     Offer void where prohibited, and prohibited where void.  Contents may
be unsettling during packaging.  Memeber FDIC (Fonzie & Durlan In Cahoots).
You have the right to remain silent.  You have the right to an attorney.  If
you give up these rights, anything you say can be used against you in a court
of law.  All other rights, lefts, and wrongs reserved.  If at first you don't
succeed, cry, cry, again.  This issue was brought to you by the letters "M"
and "T" and the number "9".  Have a nice day, don't forget to look for the
union label, and beware... the evil is just beginning.