=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= B E T W E E N T H E L I N E S [tm] Volume 10, Issue 0.5 - April 1, 1998 DDDDD D D D D GGGG D D G DDDDD G GGG G G GGGG Here's the Truth. So get off our backs. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= CONTENTS =- ADMINISTRATIVE NOTES INTRODUCTION INTRO BY ERIC THE RED - Eric the Red OIMD '98: A DREAMATOLOGIST'S VIEW - Dr. Sikman Fraud CHEESY DEB JOKES - Free Association THE TETRIS CONNECTION - Mario N. Tendo DEB NAME CHANGE - Gabriella Van Slander DEBORAH III - Bob Carlisle PRODUCTION CREDITS - Free Association =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= DISCLAIMER =- Between the Lines (ISSN 0831-1970, electronic publication ISSN 1216-1986) operates on a non-profit basis, although we wouldn't particularly mind ruining that record. Donations may be mailed to the address found below. Distribution is permissible only under the condition that no part of it will be used for profit, which would be pretty tough anyway. Trust us. "Between the Lines" and "BtL" are trademarks of Between the Lines. Isn't it a shame how easily they're letting them be tarnished by releasing this? Copyright 1998, Between the Lines. This forum does not necessarily reflect the views of Debbie Gibson, Deborah Gibson, GMI Entertainment, Inc. including but not limited to Espiritu Records, EMI/SBK, Atlantic, the Record-Label-of-the-Month-Club, D.G.I.F., or any organizations to which members belong or represent. In point of fact, this is a parody, and holds no weight whatsoever, but, come on, nobody ever reads this stuff anyway, so who'll ever know? Opinions expressed in this issue of Between the Lines do not reflect the views of the entire forum, but give us time; the Master Plan should take care of that. All lyrics by Deborah Gibson are copyrighted by Possibilities Publishing, Inc./EMI April Music, Inc. (ASCAP). =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= ADMINISTRATIVE NOTES =- Between the Lines has a central account and e-mail address. Please send all administrative requests and submissions to: BtL@BtL.org, and they'll be sure to get back to you before the turn of the millenium, unless your request is sent when the moderators are having finals, in which case there may be a slight additional delay. To submit articles by snail-mail, please proofread and send them to the postal address listed below. Submissions sent by electronic mail should also be proofread, preferably by somebody who knows English. However, at this point, frankly, we'll take anything we can get our hands on. This issue ought to prove that. Submissions should be typed, written legibly, or, in the case of Her Debness, dictated over the phone. Sheesh, if she wants to, she can send stuff to us shredded and spelled backwards. To submit by FAX, please call (604) 555-1212. We reserve the right to redact, refer, reincarnate, reject, remember, dismember, dislocate, or discombobulate submissions with extreme prejudice. Submissions become the property of BtL. So there. BETWEEN THE LINES c/o T.Y.K. P.O. Box 2121 New Milford, CT 06776 USA For those of you who are woefully unprepared for the Information Age, and do not have access to electronic mail, you may subscribe via postal mail. Issues are hand-printed by a minimum-wage worker with a sewing needle, an inkpot, and a magnifying glass. This allows six pages of text to be printed on both sides of one sheet of paper, as long as you don't mind squinting a bit. Back issues are also available on cassettes for the TRS-80 or Commodore VIC-20 (please specify tape format when ordering). Prices are at cost and are subject to change: Canada $425 Cdn. for 5 issues / $250 Cdn. for back issues on disk United States $425 U.S. for 5 issues / $250 U.S. for back issues on disk International $600 U.S. for 5 issues / $350 U.S. for back issues on disk Please make a cheque or money order payable to CASH and mail it to the postal address mentioned above. We are not responsible for cash lost or stolen in the mail. Issues are always mailed via first class, but may be delayed in the event of writer's cramp. Someone demand some Free Association T-shirts already. We promise, they'll be COOL. -= BtL moderators, who disavow any blame for this =- Myra Wong : email@example.com Felix Ng : firstname.lastname@example.org -= The Nuts Writing This Show: FREE ASSOCIATION =- Heath Clark (Fons Taddic): ftzog@Bayou.UH.EDU Nicky Harrison: email@example.com Shmuel Ross (Durlan): firstname.lastname@example.org =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= INTRODUCTION =- We warned you. One year ago today, we warned you that the evil was just beginning. Yet, you return to this place... this place of conflicting senses and scattered memory, this place of ravaged logic and brilliant entropy. Do you see what you have done? You have found a universe! Sit, relax. Feel the vibrations of the universe flowing through you, and learn to flow with them... flow into sight, into sound, and into memory. Flow towards the light. Flow towards the fun. Let the fun begin. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= INTRODUCTION BY ERIC THE RED =- Eric the Red - Oslo, Norway (email@example.com) April 1, 1998 Hi, people! My name is Eric the Red, and I'm so happy to have found this list, you have no idea. You see, I've been a fan of Debbie Gibson for the longest time, so it was great to find out that there are so many fellow fans on the 'Net. You know what I like most about Deborah? Her message of tolerance. Just listen to "Tear Down These Walls," for instance. We're all fellow passengers on this Spaceship Earth, and we all have to get along with each other, and I thank Deborah for spreading this important message. You know what bothers me? Some people aren't so enlightened. Yes, there are some JERKS who don't seem to get along with ANYBODY, and I HATE people like that! Why, some of those stupid bigots can even be found on the Internet, and it makes me so MAD that I want to take my coffee mug and smash it against my monitor, and then go out and FIND these people and THROTTLE them for being so darn INTOLERANT!! ...but my doctor's warned me about getting so upset, so I try to calm down and concentrate on the positive side of life. Which is where Deborah's music is so invaluable. So thank you, Deborah! I love you! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= OIMD '98: A DREAMATOLOGIST'S VIEW =- Dr. Sikman Fraud - Berlin, Germany (firstname.lastname@example.org) April 1, 1998 Guten Morgen, everyone! My name is Doctor Sikman Fraud. I am a world-renowned dreamatologist. You will have heard of me, no? This morning I was browsing in my local Tower Records for ze lates masterpiece by those naughty Spice Frauleins when I caught sight of the single "Only In My Dreams 1998" by Deborah Gibson. You can imagine my excitement. At last, someone taking my work seriously! Of course, I bought the single and raced straight home to hear Frau Gibson's thoughts on dream analysis. Well! I am writing to you to set ze record straight! In the first verse she starts off seriously enough with "every time I'm telling secrets/I remember how it used to be." Anyone capable of closing both eyes at once knows that dreaming of secrets means misfortune in a love affair, and remembering the past also indicates sadness. This goes well with the theme of the song and shows Frau Gibson's talent in combining many layers of meaning in a single phrase. This talent continues throughout the verses. Then in ze middle of ze song Frau Gibson humorously simulates sleeptalking during the dream of the title by repeating the lyrics in a sort of confused mutter (in the trade, this is what we call the Rapid Audio Phonetic sleep state, or R.A.P. sleep for short). This I found very funny. Frau Gibson attempting R.A.P.S? Imagine! No matter how ambitious this may be, it is, at least, a good try. But what CANNOT be excused is ze very disturbing sentiments in ze chorus. I am referring of course to the constant repeats of "no, it was only in my dreams, as real as it may seem, it was only in my dreams." For ze first chorus I thought, "ha-ha, she is showing how people usually think, she will correct them soon," but we get to the end of the song and nothing! I am very upset. While a consummate professional like myself may enjoy a private chortle over the idea that anything could be "only in dreams," ze average person - whose experiences in ze wonderful world of dreamtime extend only so far as cigars and wood paneling - will not see ze irony of zis statement. These silly proclamations are the part of the song people will remember most! I cannot understand what she is thinking of. Is she poking fun at me? Was the whole song her idea of a little joke? I am not amused! Frau Gibson is not only doing herself a disservice by ignoring the power of ze subconsious and pretending dream images are brought on by too much strudel just before bed, she is also misleading her listening public by teaching them that dreams do not matter! Frankly I am disappointed. Is this really the same person who treated my poet's block so sympathetically in "No More Rhyme?" I am most upset at Frau Gibson and will be writing to her shortly. In the meantime I will stick to the Spice Frauleins. At least when they say "Spice Up Your Life" I know they are talking about cooking! In concern, Doctor Sikman Fraud World-renowned dreamologist and poet. ------ My latest masterpiece: "There was a young man in Hong Kong Who wondered where he'd gone wrong Instead of cigars He dreamt of large cars And nothing at all of his Mom!" - S. F. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= It's time for a Cheesy Deb-Joke! Question: "Why doesn't Diane help the stage crew set up equipment?" Answer: "Deborah doesn't want to Shock her mama!!" Ow. Why were you just subjected to that, you may ask? We at Free Association are nothing if not honest. We mean that in all sincerity, and we'll stick with it, even if you torture us. More to the point, we thought it'd be fun to whip up a whole new batch of jokes about our favorite artist! Maybe she hasn't even heard some of these. :) Who knows? They're pretty bad. But seriously, what's an inspired, deeply philosophical artist if ya can't chuckle at 'em every now and then? So, throughout this issue, we'll sprinkle a Deb-joke here and there. Think of it as an Easter-Egg hunt... Well, except that the eggs aren't really 'hidden' per se... or maybe just the humor is hidden... Or maybe we should hide after this gets out.... Yeah, that sounds about right.. well, we're off to pack. Enjoy the rest of the newsletter! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= THE TETRIS CONNECTION =- Mario N. Tendo - Rome, Italy (email@example.com) April 1, 1998 It is a little-known fact that video games have been a major influence on pop music over the years. I mean, sure, most people know that George Michael wrote "Monkey" after 48 straight hours of playing Donkey Kong Jr., and then there was that entire "Pac Man Fever" album (which we shall avoid comment on. Never say we're anything but completely benevolent and merciful), but how many people have really given any thought to the crucial role of video games in the music of Deborah Gibson? Very few, we think. The reason: Nena. We're not quite sure why, but we're sure that they're responsible somehow. This is a shame, which we intend to correct. In order to properly understand any song, as only the fans of Deborah can, it must be placed in the context of its writer and the prevailing culture at the time. Why, there are probably people who don't understand that Jimi Hendrix originally wrote "Light My Fire" as a promotional song for the short-lived Free Association Air Balloons, Inc. advertising campaign. (Alas, the whole venture failed, and the song went on to become a hit. Typical. Anyway, that's why we took up writing.) This is an example of just the sort of insight which makes the field of music criticism so exciting. Woo! First off, let's briefly mention that after an extensive analysis, we have come to the conclusion that Deborah's a video game junkie. Hands down.. She's the queen of the zap'em, smash'em, crash'em, death-from-above- then-shake-your-booty-and-blow-em-out-of-the-water-and-into-game-over- man-zone of the arcade, and frankly, you're going to have to fight her for the Zaxxon machine. So, what does she play, you might ask? "Whatever she wants!" is what we'd tell you, and then we'd look at you funny. "OK, really, she plays whatever inspires her." And then we'd smile sweetly at you and you'd walk away, satisifed. [twinkle] Some of her favorite games thus far have been Breakout, Pong, Mortal Kombat and sometimes even Network Doom. Amazingly, these seemingly harmless pastimes provided the inspiration for such songs as "Tear Down These Walls," "Between the Lines," "Do You Have it in Your Heart?" and "Can't Do it Alone," respectively. However, the most insidious of these twisted creations also serves as Deborah's biggest contribution to the world of arcade game music: The infamous "Another Brick Falls," from the Anything is Possible album. Anyone who's read the liner notes of AIP (is obsessed) knows that Deborah was into a certain black-and-white, vaguely evil pocket-sized video game system when the album was being made. After all, just after thanking two-thirds of the civilized world, and just before thanking the last third, she credits Nintendo Gameboy "for hours of studio entertainment!" (Whether Deborah ever watched "Captain N," Nintendo's former Saturday morning commerical, is knowledge lost to the ages. Still, it doesn't beat Saturday Supercade. Nothing beats Saturday Supercade. But we digress.) Somewhat ironically, in the sixty-first paragraph, Deborah writes: "Thank you God for planting songs in my head without me knowing where they came from..." Well, SHE might not have known where this idea came from, but the truth is readily apparent to us. God was communicating with Deborah through her Gameboy! Of course, what else could possibly be the inspiration for "Another Brick Falls," but everyone's favorite game craze? Tetris. Truly, "Another Brick Falls" is a brilliantly simple, revealing, and even tragic account of one of Deborah's revelations during the making of the AIP album. Tetris.... A game of infinate consequences, being played by Deborah, a person of infinate determination. Neither could possibly gain dominance over the other! For a moment, consider the storyline of the lyrics. "But when I put the last brick in the wall / Another Brick Falls." Unless this is about a particularly bad part of New York we haven't heard of, what else could this be except for Tetris? Clearly, she's managed to completely clear the screen of bricks... and then ANOTHER one of the things falls. It never ends! "I run my race, keep up--oh / Pretty well, at a steady pace but / There are days I fall behind the pack" It's pretty obvious that there was some sort of Tetris competition in the studio, and, shocking as it may seem, Deborah wasn't always the high scorer. In fact, she says so herself, earlier in the liner notes: "Bob Rosa--Your mixes may be unbeatable, but my Tetris is not!" This would have been heresy coming from anyone else, of course, but if Deborah said it, it must be true. Failure to accept Deborah's statements as truth is treason, punishable by the continuation of the Deb-jokes series. At times, she tried not to take the competition so seriously. "I tell myself it's all a game," she said, but the truth remained. It wasn't. Tetris was a metaphor for life, and she was hooked, trapped in an endless conflict with a force that refused to let its challenge to Deborah be denied. Of course, she ultimately broke out of the conflict, and resumed her life and her work. Happily, she produced "Another Brick Falls" as a result of the experience. You can even hear a little bit of the Tetris theme in the song if you listen really closely. If you can't hear it, you're not being holistic enough, and don't qualify as the elite sort of expert existential music critics we are. So there. Nyah. Neener-Neener. In the aftermath of AIP, Deborah was able to finally walk away from Tetris for good. The conflict was a draw, but where Tetris had learned nothing, Deborah had a swirling mass of inspiration which transformed her. To reflect her new state of mind, the entire "Body, Mind, and Soul" album was written about liberation from Tetris, and of embracing life after it. (Except for "Little Birdie", which we think had something to do with Nena.) Stay tuned next time, when we explain the connection between "Moonchild" and "Sailor Moon." It oughta be ultra-cool. Really. We mean that. There's something here, we tell you! Do you honestly believe it's a COINCIDENCE?! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= It's time for another Cheesy Deb-Joke! Question: " What do you call Deborah with red hair? " Answer: " Tiffany. " =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= DEB NAME CHANGE =- Gabriella Van Slander - Comics, NY (firstname.lastname@example.org) April 1, 1998 The word on the net is that Deborah has caught the name-changing bug and is thinking of doing it again. This news is bound to stir up a lot of excited discussion among fans. Luckily we have done some analysis and are now in a position to bring you advance notice of the new "secret" identity. As you know, Deb started out as "Debbie Gibson" and recently switched to officially being known as "Deborah Gibson." Well, hang on to your hats! We have it on good authority that, following in the footsteps of John Cougar, in just a few short years, Deb will be known to the world as: Deborah Mellancamp. Remember: You heard it here first! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= It's time for yet another Cheesy Deb-Joke! Question: "What's weirder than the sound of one hand clapping?" Answer: "The sound of one Deb rapping." Remember, kids, they may not be getting funnier, but they sure help pad out this newsletter! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= DEBORAH III: THE BUDGET EDITION =- Bob Carlisle - Somewhere, USA (email@example.com) March 32, 1998 Just before this newsletter went to print, we received a bit of late-breaking news that just barely got in. If it weren't for the talented, brilliant, obnoxiously good-looking and sinfully underpaid writing staff we have here at Free Association, our boss would be out on the street and not resting comfortably in his vibrating chair while we sit in chairs that probably survived the 1920s. And now for the news: Espiritu Records announced today that it would be releasing a third version of _Deborah_, their first-ever release. An official (we think) spokesperson for Espiritu had this to say: "The re-release of _Deborah_ is due mostly to some slight budget cuts. Changes will be minimal, for the most part, but the "Butterflies are Free" track will be replaced by a new, updated version of the song, "Butterflies are Cheap." Also, the front cover is being changed to reflect another side of Deborah. This photo was taken by Deborah herself, and is basically an intimate shot of the back of her head. We're all very proud of the work, and hope it'll be received well by fans." When asked about the possibility of another convention, our contact responded rather curiously: "[Censored]! Another Convention? Not if an [Oof] [Bleeped] a [Neener]'s [Dorf]! <<click>>" Journalistic Excellence, if we say so ourselves. In other news, the stock market had a surprise jump today, as companies that produce and distribute Chocolate-Covered Lobster made leaps of unprecedented magnitude. As a result, Free Association's Nicky Harrison, the sole stockholder of such companies, is now the world's richest individual. 5 to 1 odds that she's going to hog the water cooler now. Also in the news, Lord and Master Zarcon of the Planet Zarcon in the Galaxy Zarconia conveys the message that perhaps this might have something to do with Deborah's fascination for Chocolate-Covered Lobster. Or maybe not. He also wishes to express the following message: "YOU'RE NEXT, EARTHLINGS!!" The exact meaning of this message is being analyzed now, but officials assure us that Zarcon is probably a nice alien like we saw in "Contact," so there's no need to worry. Have a nice day while you can. Finally, just so we'll end on a good note, we have obtained the lyrics to the new "Butterflies are Cheap" track. And guess what? We're in SUCH a good mood, we're releasing them to the public! Live it up all! We're out of here. BUTTERFLIES ARE CHEAP Don't look away Here's a surprise Come see the fun in butterflies And if you feel you're not impressed Why would I lie? Isn't this the best? If you buy just one, I'll give you the rest I'm sure you'll find true happiness! CHORUS: Butterflies are cheap Cheap as post-it notes Cheap as ginsu knives What would you know? There's a great guarantee But no, you can't have them for free. The price is right Five bucks is all But this sale ends July Better hurry and call So, what more could you need? It's rock bottom right now A bargain like this, it's rare to see And then if they breed You'll have to agree That this is the chance Of the century CHORUS The slower you slip The more I'll insist Amway does that, I suppose... The treasure you'll get is nothing to miss So why not give your dough? REPEAT CHORUS REPEATEDLY =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= It's time for the final Cheesy Deb-Joke! Question: "If Deborah had kids, what would they call her?" Answer: "Ma Belle" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -= PRODUCTION CREDITS =- This has been A Free Association Production. Make of it what you will. Free Association Productions is a global organization haphazardly grouped into three people: Nicky Harrison, Shmuel Ross, and Heath Clark. Under normal circumstances, none of us would have ever met, and the world would have gone on its merry little way adoring Hanson. However, through the power of the Internet, three people who could rate a fairly liberal psychological status of "whacko" have been brought together and are now writing jokes about Deborah Gibson between trips to Japan, French classes, and Babylon 5 conventions. Is this a great world we live in, or what? Compliments, Good Vibes, Expensive Presents, and Chocolate may be sent to any of us at our E-mail addresses above. Anything else, unless it's a movie deal, will be considered an act of war, and you will be subjected to a poultry-induced pummeling. Before doing either, however, please check out our legal notice: This entire issue is a work of satire. If you STILL haven't caught on, take a close look at the date at the top of this issue. Non-US readers may wish to grit their teeth, count to ten, take a deep breath, and remember that April Fool's Day is one of those quaint cultural traditions those daft Americans have, and is undoubtably one of the reasons that they are completely incapable of finding anything on a map. Come to think of it, weren't you planning a vacation to Singapore? Any resemblance between persons in the issue and real-life persons, without satiric intent, is completely coincidental. And if MAD Magazine can say that with a straight face and not get sued, then so can we. Nyah, nyah, nyah. No butterflies were harmed in the making of this newsletter. On the other hand, George Michael and Nena were mildly roughed up, but it was for a worthy cause. Heath: I'd like thank Shmuel and Nicky for the roller-coaster ride we've had writing this thing.... It's been fun! Thanks to the Administration of BtL for not causing any notable harm to our persons for trying this again :) Thanks to Tribble for being fuzzy and walking on my toes, Thanks to the Cosmic Balance of the Universe for making insanity as entertaining as it has been so far, and, of course, Thanks to Deborah for the inspiration and the energy. :) Nicky Harrison would like to thank Shmuel and Fons for letting me play with them this time, and pretty much letting me get away with just a bunch of emails saying, "Me too!" and "that's great!"; Colin for his support and suggestions and for teaching me to say "_Debbie-san doko desu ka?_" (where is Debbie?) for my Tokyo trip last December (it didn't work, btw); the entire online community of AIP; and of course Deborah Gibson, without whose music and talent none of us would be here right now. Anyone for a chocolate-covered lobster? Shmuel would like to thank Nicky, for letting us drag her into this, and who's been a lot more involved than she's willing to admit, and Fons, for another year of madness, late-night mudding, and squirrels of fury. Thanks also to Myra, Felix, Levien, and Jonathan, for all their contributions to online Debdom; to the various members of AIP for hours of amusement; and, of course, thanks to Deborah Gibson, who's brought us all together through her music. Offer void where prohibited, and prohibited where void. Contents may be unsettling during packaging. This newsletter is not intented to treat or diagnose any disease. A proud member of SNAFU: Shmuel, Nicky, And Fons Undercover. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney. If you give up these rights, anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. All other rights, lefts, and wrongs reserved. If at first you don't succeed, turn off the TURBO button. This issue was brought to you by the letters "N" and "I" and the number "4". Have a nice day, watch for falling rocks, and beware... the evil is just around the corner.